
Cruel Winter by Emily Benson
A brutal winter
The locals all agree
Trudging flat-eyed
Across the thick crust of snow
Local once
Before I simmered
Under the Texas Sun
Baking like a little lizard
On the rocks along the Colorado
While sage and cedar perfumed my lungs
I am raw now
Hollowed out by bitter cold
The warmth slipped from me
("lost the baby" like I was careless)
With pain that left me shaking
Improbable life
Accepted without grace
Nurtured with worry
Ending in wracking sobs
On yet another night
When I could see my breath
And taste snow on the air
Metallic like blood
Like a knife blade
Like the residue of the cap
On the lip of a beer bottle
I am flattened by the trivial
This persistent cough
Broken glasses
Chapped lips and early mornings
The car battery done in by
A hundred-and-three to subzero in half a year
I am too
I'd follow if I could
My face feels smaller in my hands
As I stand too long under the hot shower
Wishing I could implode
Into the pinprick of nothing
Where all the good things have gone
Those little bottles in the cabinet there
Appealing but for the mess
All my mistakes I'd leave behind
Broken bits to be swept up
By those who still need me
So I do my best
Make the sandwiches
Wash the clothes
breathe my son's fresh washed hair
Let my heart ache
Believe in spring