
III. FROM YELLOW FEVER GIRLS BY ASTRID LIU
the first and
only time i ever dance
with another queer asian girl
i somehow find at a party
like some kinda rainbow bat
echolocation lottery
and she
does not stop me in the middle of
hands sliding down
does not turn to me and tell me i'm
too obsessed with the intersection of queer and
asian
does not wrinkle her nose away
from my nose bumping hers
at the bite of ginger
sucking marks into her neck
does not have stringy blond hair
i couldn't help but covet in kindergarten
does not shy away from
my hand sliding over bold thick brows and
curly black lines covering her arms
does not pat at my stomach and
tell me i should eat less
just like those girls in ariana grande's videos
no she
enough sexy foreign and just enough polite
caretaker therapist
that echo of my mother starts to quiet down
and as we stumble into hallways
pin against one neon lit wall
i knock down a bloodier one
thick burgundy ooze
hardened and
crystallized against
mama telling me
not to be so gay during
cantonese sermon
rosalind telling me
to shut up about being chinese we get it you're
radical can you stop?
and i've slid my own hands down my body
queer asian girl loving queer asian girl her own
damn self
worshiped at my temple or whatever the
refinery 29 articles say
jumped hurdles painted white
and walls soaked with my own blood
on the way to loving myself
and she is not
some magical therapist girl who
fixes me and
heals all my issues but
this is the first time
i ever realized that
who i am is not some mythical creature to spread
on the news and goggle and grope at parties
but just
a breathing
queer asian
woman
worthy of love
cradles my yellow chin closer
snakes my hands to her visible belly
soft and rough at the same time
and i release a breath
i didn't know i was holding for 19 years
the voice in my head that yells
DONT FUCK IT UP you'll never find a girl who'll
understand you so DONT be too much just
enough sexy foreign and just enough polite
caretaker therapist
that echo of my mother starts to quiet down
and as we stumble into hallways
pin against one neon lit wall
i knock down a bloodier one
thick burgundy ooze
hardened and
crystallized against
mama telling me
not to be so gay during
cantonese sermon
rosalind telling me
to shut up about being chinese we get it you're
radical can you stop?
and i've slid my own hands down my body
queer asian girl loving queer asian girl her own
damn self
worshiped at my temple or whatever the
refinery 29 articles say
jumped hurdles painted white
and walls soaked with my own blood
on the way to loving myself
and she is not
some magical therapist girl who
fixes me and
heals all my issues but
this is the first time
i ever realized that
who i am is not some mythical creature to spread
on the news and goggle and grope at parties
but just
a breathing
queer asian
woman
worthy of love